Would you like to be a Mary Sue?
by Triss Kelion
Summary: ‘How about going to Middle-Earth?’ A girl hears the call and is given a chance to visit Arda. Having Hot Elves in her mind she decides to go. Mary Sue parody; one shot.


Disclaimer: Laura is mine, Agency is mine, Jessie is mine, Laura's cat is mine, but unfortunately All the rest is Tolkien's. The Lord of the Rings and it's characters: Glorfindel, Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir, Legolas and Saruman (yes, he is somewhere in this story also ^_- ) belong to the genius – Mister J.R.R. Tolkien.  
  
This is my first fan fiction, written just for fun. Constructive criticism welcomed, flames not. English is not my native language so I am aware that there might be plenty of mistakes. Let me know.  
  
This is a Mary Sue parody, AU, one shot.  
  
**Would you like to be a Mary Sue?**  
  
Laura was sitting in front of her computer, headphones on. She was reading, as usual, the Lord of the Rings fan fiction. She was listening to Howard Shore's music to get a better grasp of the atmosphere of the world she was reading about. The room was silent, only the noises of clicking could be heard from time to time.  
  
Her full attention was on the story, and so she didn't notice her cat attempting to remind her, by scratching her leg, to feed him. The girl could not tear her eyes away from the screen: Legolas was about to confess his undying love for the OFC of the story.  
  
'He took her hand gently and placed it on his chest, above his heart. His beautiful blue eyes, filled with love, were gazing into hers, "I-"'  
  
The phone rang, completely destroying the mood of the scene. Laura ignored it and continued reading,  
  
'"I love-"' But the ringing seemed to get louder. She cursed at the interruption and went to pick up the phone.  
  
"What?" the girl asked angrily.  
  
"Miss Laura Bing?"  
  
"Yes," she answered through greeted teeth. "Who is this?"  
  
"My name is Sar- Samuel Curunir. I am the head of The Human Resources Department in Valar's Will Agency."  
  
'Curunir? Valar?' The names sounded familiar. Had she maybe seen this agency's ad somewhere? 'Maybe somewhere on the Internet?' She pondered.  
  
"According to our data bank you are a fan of Mister J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle- Earth. Is that correct?"  
  
Now he had her full attention.  
  
"Yes, I love LotR." She heard something like a snort from the other end of the line.  
  
"You see, we have a shortage of girls eligible to be sent to Middle-Earth. We need to send someone from Earth to Middle-Earth every now and then. The one who was supposed to be sent there this week has just found out that she is pregnant. Since such a journey would be too dangerous in her current state, we had to remove her from this week's schedule. That is why we are calling you. Our sources state that you have the necessary characteristics for the journey: strength, courage, spirit, temper, an abusive family in the past.  
  
"There is a small role for a Mary Sue. Will you take it?"  
  
"You mean I can go to Middle-Earth?" Laura asked amazed, still trying to digest his long speech.  
  
"Yes, but-"  
  
"And I'll get to see the Elves? Legolas?"  
  
"Yes," He sighed.  
  
"Okay then." She said, full of enthusiasm. 'I'm going to Middle-Earth!!! And I'll see Leggy, and those hot twins, sons of Elrond, that Jessie talks about all the time. She says she will never forgive Peter Jackson for not showing them in the movies.'  
  
"Right, of course." Her interlocutor agreed, and then mumbled under his breath, "They always agree."  
  
Abandoning the irritated tone, he continued, "Where do you want to be dropped?"  
  
"Eh...What?"  
  
"Err, I mean, where do you want us to place you in Middle-Earth? Or should we let our generator do the task and choose the location for you?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know. Let me think..."  
  
After two minutes, her painful thinking process was interrupted by the noise of Samuel clearing his throat.  
  
"We will get back to this question later. Do you want an eventual romantic relationship?"  
  
Laura gasped. "Woah! Is that really possible?"  
  
"Like I just said-"  
  
"Yes!" she exclaimed. "How surprising," He muttered to himself.  
  
"Man or woman?"  
  
"Man."  
  
"Right..." he commented wryly.  
  
"With a Human? Hobbit? Dwarf? Orc maybe? – We haven't had one of those for awhile..."  
  
"No, no, no, no."  
  
"Too bad. That rules out Trolls as well, I presume?" Mr. Curunir continued, "Man from Harad?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Let me guess, someone from the Fellowship?" He said with resignation in his voice. "An Elf maybe?" The man asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"Yes." She nodded enthusiastically.  
  
"I would have never guessed."  
  
"Wait!" the girl exclaimed, thinking about what her friend said. "Scratch that. I changed my mind, I want one of the Elves from Rivendell, one of Elrond's sons." 'Jessie always says that they were even hotter then Leggy.' She smiled to herself.  
  
"A-ha. Right. Then you would probably prefer to land somewhere near Rivendell, yes?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"In the time of the War of the Ring?"  
  
"Yes, yes."  
  
"Very well then. Ability of speaking 'Elvish' maybe?"  
  
"Oh, right. Yeah, that would be good." She giggled at the thought of talking to hot Elves in their own, sexy language.  
  
"Quenya? Sindarin? Silvan?"  
  
"Err... What?"  
  
"Let's make it Sindarin then." he muttered. "Any special requests?"  
  
Laura tried to think fast, what would she like, what would she need.  
  
"Could you change me into an elf?"  
  
"Of course. Do you wish to change your name as well?"  
  
"Yes, um, to Elarwen."  
  
"Very original." The man said sarcastically.  
  
"I believe that is all." He paused. "If you have no more questions concerning the trip, I have business to attend to."  
  
He hung up the phone before she had time to think about any questions.  
  
The next moment she was falling from the sky. Screaming, she landed in a river. Despite being soaked and agitated by the fall, she felt happy. This was, no doubt about it, Middle-Earth. After sloshing onto the riverbank, the girl tried to make herself look presentable before her welcoming party would come. She was sure they were already on their way to come and greet her.  
  
Soon enough she heard the sound of horses approaching. Enarwen smiled to herself and waited for the riders to come into view. She only saw one rider, Elvish by the looks of him, galloping towards her. A light emanated from him, which she found intimidating. The elf was holding the reins with one hand and clutching a tiny body to his chest with the other. The girl had just enough time to get a glimpse of his face; it was god-like in its perfection. He was only meters away now, and she was sure he would stop any second now.  
  
But he didn't. The rider passed her by, not even glancing at her. She was rooted to the spot. Astride black horses, dark, hooded figures were quickly approaching, faster then her mind could analyze what was happening.  
  
Next thing she knew one of the shadowy horses knocked her aside. She landed on the ground with a thump and knew no more.  
  
Ah, yes. Our heroine was unfortunate enough to land on the route that Glorfindel took escaping the Nazgul.  
  
Later that day, Lord Glorfindel reported to Lord Elrond that he had spotted a Mary Sue near the river, and that she was most probably dead by now. The Elf Lord sent his sons, Elladan and Elrohir to investigate the case. They found her without problem. Her body was still laying where Glorfindel said he last saw her.  
  
The twins were crouching over Laura's (now Elarwen) body, checking for any life signs.  
  
"She is no longer breathing. Soon her body will disappear back to her world," said Elladan.  
  
"I always said they should give those poor Mary Sue creatures some survival training, before allowing them to come to Middle-Earth." Elrohir stated, shaking his head. He examined her face, noticed her Elvish ears and added, "I wonder which elf this one was after..."  
  
**  
  
[A/N: finally edited thanks to my great beta, rosesarered. ( ] 


End file.
